Tag Archives: questions

Emma’s Ten Research Questions

* A note from Ariane:  What follows was the result of a discussion about people who say one thing, but actually do something else.  Emma then wrote a list of questions she would like to ask such people to make sure they were genuine.

Emma wrote that she’d like to do some research on “who is faking their love of autistic people.”  She proposed that there be a list of questions.  This is the list she wrote.

1.  Where did you get information about autism?

2. What was your initial reaction after reading (the information)?

3.  How many people did you see?
a) Less than ten
b) Less than fifteen
c) Fifteen to thirty
d) More than thirty

4. What will you do if you see a five-year old Autistic person?
a) ask curious questions
b) Advise parents
c) Ignore them as if they are invisible
d) Talk to the child by saying, “Hello”

5. If an Autistic teenager holds (touches) your clothes, what will you do? (No choices)

6. What do you expect to see in an autism classroom?

7. Will you let an Autistic teenager spend the weekend with your family?

8. What present will you buy for an Autistic person?

9. Will you accept if autism is not cured?

10. Did you enjoy the questions?

From Ariane:  What struck me as Emma created this list was how so many organizations, therapy centers, schools, treatment facilities and people who have chosen the field of autism as a career and yet do not treat Autistic people with the respect and care one would show others one supposedly “loves.”  Any who suggest the conversation that continues to take place regarding autism and our autistic kids is not affecting them, is sadly mistaken.

Emma writes her list of questions

Emma writes her list of questions

Demanding Speech

Over the weekend I witnessed a young man who did not easily speak and when he did say a word, it was clear how hard he was having to work for that one syllable.  Yet the people around him bombarded him with questions.   Questions he could not answer with spoken language, but that did not stop them from asking.  When he managed to make a sound resembling the answer they wanted, they would pause for a moment before asking him another question.  After about ten minutes of this he retreated into what looked like a sensory friendly room, where he rocked gently back and forth, holding his hands over his ears.  Even so, the questions continued.  

Another boy who was having his lunch was told during a ten minute time period to “look at me” more than a dozen times.  He too could not easily speak and was asked a great many questions.  Things like, “Is that good?” When he said, what sounded like, “Yes,” the other person said, “Look at me.  Stop.  Put down your fork.  Look at me.  Is it very good?”  When he again said, “Yes,” he was allowed to eat his lunch for a few seconds in peace before the next question came.

People often ask me why I object to ABA therapy.  It is not only ABA therapy that I object to.  It is ANY therapy that treats another human being as these very well-intentioned people were treating these young people, all of whom were teenagers.  I object to the way so many, who are in the field of autism are trained and how that training  affects how they speak to and interact with people who are autistic.   I do not, for a moment, doubt that they believed that what they were doing was good and ultimately helpful to the kids they were working with.  Yet each one of them was unconsciously or not, treating those kids as though they could not and did not understand what was being said to and about them.  The kids were not being treated as one would treat their same age non autistic peers.

On the Presume Competence – What Does That Mean Exactly – post I wrote, “What I have come to understand, is that a presumption of competence is much more than a set of beliefs, it is a way of interacting with another human being who is seen as a true equal and as having the same basic human rights as I have.”

What I saw was fairly typical of what I see often – well-meaning people who are working with autistic people, but who do NOT presume them competent, not really.  Had I said something to any of these people, I’m sure they would have expressed surprise with my observations of what they were doing and how they were interacting.  I would even guess that they would have told me that they were presuming them competent.  These were not mean people, they were not sadistic people, these were people who believed in the training they’ve been given and believed this was the best way to interact with these teenagers.

At one point the young man who was trying to eat his lunch, looked over at me and my son.  My son, smiled at him and I did a little wave and said, “hi.” He nodded his head ever so slightly at us and then the person who was paid to sit with him, asked him another question.  I do not doubt for a second that all the kids there were competent.  In fact I am convinced of it.  I know it to the core of my being as I have been around so many people who cannot speak, or who can speak, but not easily or naturally and who are all competent.  But this was not how they were being treated.  This idea, which is popular with a number of therapies, not just ABA, that we withhold desirable things until the person speaks as demanded, is not something I agree with because it is based in a presumption that wanting something is equated with ability and this is incorrect, even if it obtains the desired result – a verbal utterance.

Until Emma began to write, using her letter board, I had a great many thoughts about her that have proven incorrect.  Until she began to express herself through those words she painstakingly spells out, I was not treating her as the exceedingly  competent human being that she is, even though I often thought I was.  Even now, on any given day, I do not do this as well as I’d like to.  All those years of ingrained thinking are extremely difficult to change.  But change I must…

A Renassaince Princess

A Renassaince Princess

Asking Questions

The other day during our session about the Middle East (this post is not about the Middle East) I mentioned to Emma that I’d recently read a memoir, I am Malala written by Malala Yousafzai.  Malala is Pakistani and was shot by the Taliban when she was just 15 years old because she wanted to be able to go to school and have an education.   Emma then wrote, “Was she alive after they shot her?”

It was all I could do not to jump up and down with exuberant glee that Emma wrote me this question.  It wasn’t the specifics of the question that made me so excited, it was that it was a question at all.  You see, Emma has never asked me a question like this before.  This is the sort of question she regularly asks Soma, but not me.  In fact, I just wrote about exactly this, a few weeks ago while Emma and I were visiting Soma.  You can read that post ‘here‘.  The question Emma asked is the sort of question I’ve barely dared hope for.  It is the kind of question most people take completely for granted.  Asking a question like this is the beginning of a conversation.  It requires a different kind of thought process than answering does.  It requires initiating a line of thinking.  It is the beginning of a back and forth that we talkers do not often contemplate, but do without thinking.

I know Emma has many questions just like this one, but she is not able to easily communicate them.  This is different from in the past when I was caught in that great abyss of believing that because she didn’t ask questions, she wasn’t interested.  That old way of thinking was so detrimental to her and to our relationship.  The belief that things were not being expressed because they did not exist was so destructive, not just to Emma, her self esteem and growth, but to all of our interactions.  Instead, this was a moment of celebration.  A moment when I just sat in utter admiration of my daughter.

Presuming competence.   Those two words hold so much meaning within them.  Every day I make tiny inroads, little steps forward in presuming competence, going just a little further in my ability to stretch my thinking so that I am embracing this concept just a bit more.  And as I do my daughter is showing me over and over that I have still farther to go.  This process is one of such joy, wonder and unbridled excitement.  My husband, Richard and I discuss this all the time.  How fortunate are we that we have the opportunity to expand our awareness on a daily basis?  How exciting is it that we are in a process of constantly re-evaluating what we think we know?

“Was she alive after they shot her?” Emma asked.

“Yes!  She lived and now has written this book,” I answered, showing her the cover.  “Should we read it together?”

“Yes,” Emma replied.

Em with her string!

Em with her string!

Questions & Learning

“Did you see the Grammy’s?”  Emma asked Soma yesterday.

And as I sat nearby watching, I marveled at how surprised I was by this question.    In part because she was asking a question, something Emma does a great deal of when she is working with Soma, but not so much with me yet.  I can’t tell you how much I look forward to that…

My surprise was not just limited to the fact that she was asking a question though, it was also because I often wonder how she knows all the things she knows.  “The Grammy’s?” I found myself thinking.  “How does she even know about the Grammy’s?  Where did she see anything about the Grammy’s?”  “Richard and I didn’t watch the Grammy’s.  I can’t even tell you when the Grammy’s were.

After Soma told Emma that she had watched the Grammy’s, Soma asked Emma where she’d seen them.

Emma wrote, “At the airport TV.”

The airport TV?  Seriously?  I didn’t even see a television, let alone notice what was on.  When we arrived at the airport we checked our bag, went through security and went looking for our gate, and when we finally found it, I don’t remember seeing a television anywhere near the seats we finally found to wait for our flight.   What else has she seen in passing?  What else would she like to know about?  What things would she be interested in learning about?  

I write all of this, because Richard and I often ask each other, “But where did she learn that?”  or “How does she know about that?”  And, well…  this is, but one answer.  There is information everywhere and my daughter is picking up information all the time.

I used to assume there was an input issue with learning, but my daughter continues to defy this idea.  An output issue?  Yes.  Input?  Evidently that’s my issue, not hers.

*Emma has given me permission to publish this on the blog.

Emma ~ January 29th, 2014

Emma ~ January 29th, 2014