Yesterday I was targeted by someone whose name I am not going to divulge because doing so will only further engagement and unnecessary dialogue. I am going to keep this about my reaction to being attacked and will not engage in a counter attack. One of the things I have learned over the years is that when someone attacks, my knee jerk response is to attack back, but this never actually does anything to further the conversation, encourage discussion or an exchange of ideas. Nothing changes when two people angrily engage in self-righteous, self-justified shouting matches. So why do it?
Sadly, within any community, positions are taken, an “us” and “them” mentality which serves to separate each other from the very people we appear to want to engage. I do not completely understand this desire by some to engage others with their anger. However I do know first hand the feeling of frustration when I have believed something and had those beliefs questioned, judged or argued with. When someone says with absolute conviction that they know for a fact that a certain therapy, treatment or way of supporting another does or does not work, I figure it’s worth investigating. I do my best to look at the pros and cons, I try to read the various scientific studies, the anecdotal stories, and control studies if there have been any. I take into account how many people were used in the study, I look at who conducted the study and whether there were any conflicts of interest in the study’s results. I read any controversy surrounding the therapy.
If I know someone personally who is using whatever the therapy, treatment or support is, I reach out to them, ask them questions and observe. If what I am observing counters the conclusions of some of the scientific studies done, I take that into account and look at why that might be. Beyond wanting to do what will prove best for my daughter I try to remain open to both sides. However, if a number of Autistic people have PTSD because of a particular therapy or speak out about it with their reasons why, I listen to their accounts and place more weight in their experiences than I do in studies conducted by neurotypical “experts”. I also listen to those who are Autistic and have found something particularly helpful, even if many neurotypicals suggest otherwise.
These are the things I do. Others may have different approaches, but this is what has proven most helpful for me. When someone then attacks me for doing a particular therapy, treatment or support with viciousness, it hurts, but it does not make me change my opinion, in fact it does the opposite. When someone personally attacks me with sarcasm, condescension and aggression it serves to make me wonder why they would do so. When they then back their vitriolic, venomous statements by saying that “science” is behind them and that I cannot possibly have read the studies they cite, when they dismiss opposing studies as being “shoddy” and “poorly” done as non-science or “pseudoscience”, there is no point in responding. When they then further their comments by saying that I am being “unethical” and suggest that by engaging in such support I am hurting those who cannot speak by putting words in their mouth, it crosses the line of being about ideas, opinions, science or anything else, it is a personal attack.
I come here day after day and share my thoughts, feelings, views. I try to be honest, above all else and in doing so open myself up to attack. I know that. I cannot do this any other way. I am vulnerable in a way that those who attack me are not. That’s okay. No one is forcing me to write a blog or to be as honest as I can be. These are the decisions I’ve made. I try hard to keep my side of the street clean, as they say. Some days I’m more successful at that than others, but I always keep showing up and trying as best I can. In the end that’s all any of us can do.
Unrelated photograph taken Christmas Day on the ranch
On youtube I used to read the vilest comments and people getting into rants rolling over pages and pages of comments even. It’s SO easy to get involved in something so inane. Good for you that you didn’t bite. Some people just place provocative comments to get a reaction. The worst scenario for them is if they don’t get a response. 😉
Youtube has some of the nastiest comments I’ve ever read! Thanks for leaving your kind one here!
Anger is an emotion some people have no control over, you shouldn’t blame your self because its usually the people that are full of truth and heart that cop the “brunt” of these types of attacks! I’ve been there myself and know what a struggle it is, keep your chin up as people like that fade quickly into the background of what is truly important 🙂 It’s nothing but pity we should all feel for them.
Powerful post. As a Mum of two girls with Autism I can relate to this. Stay strong (I know it’s easier said than done) thanks for sharing this and sending you a (((BIG HUG)))
thanks for sharing 🙂
Ignore (and delete) the hateful trolls. No one knows your child like you do, and no child has a greater ally than a loving parent. Emma is lucky to have you.
It sounds like you’re doing a great job and being so kind to share your successes, research, and trials with others. God bless.
thank you for sharing…wish you the very best of luck!!!!
Reblogged this on jadeyhamidon's Blog.
All of these are “theories” and not scientifically proven as fact, yet they are treated as fact, while things like RPM and FC are ridiculed for not being scientifically proven and dismissed. Actually, and I am not trying to bully you or be cruel but the definition of a scientific theory is basically “fact”. Scientific theories are tested and retested and the result of them can be reproduced over and over again if the researcher tests it correctly the same way over and over again. A scientific theory does not have the same definition as theory which basically means it lacks supporting evidence and should be only considered a hypothesis. The hypothesis is almost invariably the first step in The scientific method. FC has, however, been proven to have been misused by facilitators for attention, some have even been proven to have lied about what their client was saying. Claiming abuse both sexual and physical to the point that they are not allowed as evidence in court Carly and my son are individuals who are deserving of the same respect as everyone else and someone maneuvering either of them to claim anything should be, behind bars. I dont know if Carly types herself now, there is no clear video of her actually doing it the way her mother said she has to, because of her motor skill development, with one finger. I do know this though, she is a human being whose wants and needs need to be taken care of and she needs to be respected and not exploited by her parents for fame or fortune. She is a beautiful human and so are you. Sorry for the long science explanation, I love science and felt I needed to explain it. ❤