Yesterday I was targeted by someone whose name I am not going to divulge because doing so will only further engagement and unnecessary dialogue. I am going to keep this about my reaction to being attacked and will not engage in a counter attack. One of the things I have learned over the years is that when someone attacks, my knee jerk response is to attack back, but this never actually does anything to further the conversation, encourage discussion or an exchange of ideas. Nothing changes when two people angrily engage in self-righteous, self-justified shouting matches. So why do it?
Sadly, within any community, positions are taken, an “us” and “them” mentality which serves to separate each other from the very people we appear to want to engage. I do not completely understand this desire by some to engage others with their anger. However I do know first hand the feeling of frustration when I have believed something and had those beliefs questioned, judged or argued with. When someone says with absolute conviction that they know for a fact that a certain therapy, treatment or way of supporting another does or does not work, I figure it’s worth investigating. I do my best to look at the pros and cons, I try to read the various scientific studies, the anecdotal stories, and control studies if there have been any. I take into account how many people were used in the study, I look at who conducted the study and whether there were any conflicts of interest in the study’s results. I read any controversy surrounding the therapy.
If I know someone personally who is using whatever the therapy, treatment or support is, I reach out to them, ask them questions and observe. If what I am observing counters the conclusions of some of the scientific studies done, I take that into account and look at why that might be. Beyond wanting to do what will prove best for my daughter I try to remain open to both sides. However, if a number of Autistic people have PTSD because of a particular therapy or speak out about it with their reasons why, I listen to their accounts and place more weight in their experiences than I do in studies conducted by neurotypical “experts”. I also listen to those who are Autistic and have found something particularly helpful, even if many neurotypicals suggest otherwise.
These are the things I do. Others may have different approaches, but this is what has proven most helpful for me. When someone then attacks me for doing a particular therapy, treatment or support with viciousness, it hurts, but it does not make me change my opinion, in fact it does the opposite. When someone personally attacks me with sarcasm, condescension and aggression it serves to make me wonder why they would do so. When they then back their vitriolic, venomous statements by saying that “science” is behind them and that I cannot possibly have read the studies they cite, when they dismiss opposing studies as being “shoddy” and “poorly” done as non-science or “pseudoscience”, there is no point in responding. When they then further their comments by saying that I am being “unethical” and suggest that by engaging in such support I am hurting those who cannot speak by putting words in their mouth, it crosses the line of being about ideas, opinions, science or anything else, it is a personal attack.
I come here day after day and share my thoughts, feelings, views. I try to be honest, above all else and in doing so open myself up to attack. I know that. I cannot do this any other way. I am vulnerable in a way that those who attack me are not. That’s okay. No one is forcing me to write a blog or to be as honest as I can be. These are the decisions I’ve made. I try hard to keep my side of the street clean, as they say. Some days I’m more successful at that than others, but I always keep showing up and trying as best I can. In the end that’s all any of us can do.
Unrelated photograph taken Christmas Day on the ranch
I think you have been fair in your posts. And you have written things in a way that make it very clear it is your opinion. I hurts me when this happens…the trolls and/or the angry people who think that other people are wrong and they have the ultimate solution. If there is one thing I have learned while living with (through?) autism is that no one knows anything, at least not fully.
I keep coming back to that idea that the older I get the less I know! Thanks for reaching out!
One of my favorites:
“Ce que nous connaissons est peu de chose, ce que nous ignorons est immense.”
(That which we know is tiny; that of which we are ignorant is vast.)
Even better when said in French! 😀
I think if someone attacks you, you react with kindness.
So many people think their opinions are facts and are willing to fight/attack to try to be “right”. I used to blank out when people acted this way. I could hear them, but it sounded like they were far away and talking in a different language. Now I’ve learned many other ways to deal with this that all start with recognizing that they are having an emotional response that is overriding some of their rational capabilities. As my therapist told me “You don’t need to know what they are going to do. You just need to know what you are going to do.” Took me years to “get” this. Sounds like you do a pretty good job with it, Ariane.
I am sorry you were attacked. I appreciate your strength, clarity, and honesty. I am watching you (well, not literally watching…I’m reading your blog). You are a role model. I am growing in positive ways from your example. I hope my honestly in this paragraph will come to you as a strong, gentle response and will help in some albeit small way to soothe any soreness you may still feel from the attack. I’m not sure what else to say, except that you are appreciated.
Thanks so much Lisa, I really appreciate your comment and it does help, a great deal, actually.
Simply saddened that someone would attack you, given the open-minded approach, willingness to listen and change your outlook, and nuanced perspectives on complex issues surrounding autism and parenting that you’ve been providing on your blog. Please know that some of us cherish and look forward to your posts and are grateful for the time and energy you invest. Blessings to you and yours, and please don’t be dissuaded!
This is so nice of you to say. I really appreciate it. 🙂
Ariana, thank you for being there. I have learned a lot from you. I have a young friend who is finishing up her PhD and has had years of experience in helping parents like you, with autistic children. The insights she had given me match up with the ones I have gained from you.
She has gained her knowledge of what is helpful and what is not by working with hundreds of autistic kids over the years. You have a different perspective, being a parent. Still, I think it is remarkable how close your philosophies are.
And, quite frankly, as an autistic person who, in search of my own understanding, has read many so-called “scientific” studies, I am very skeptical. There is a phenomenon that neuroscientists call “motivated reasoning” — it is a process that essentially starts with a conclusion and seeks out justification. It’s what lawyers do as advocates. Scientists are supposed to start out with a falsifiable hypothesis and seek data to disprove it. All too often, in the field of autism research, that is not done.
So take heart. You are a better scientist than many of your critics, I’m sure of that. Although, according to some of those scientists, I have a deficit in the empathy department, I can assure you I feel your pain. I have sat in rooms where I am the only autistic person, and as I listen to the discussion about autism, I am wounded. You are one of the few neurotypical people I know who really “gets it” because you have tried so hard to see the world from your daughter’s point of view. Most NTs completely lack this ability, something they call “theory of mind.”
Keep speaking as a parent, as an advocate, as an ally, as a friend. We need you.
Yep. You are doing what science is supposed to do better than what frenzied attackers who shout about science are doing, by far. I call their cultish, religiously fervent approach, “scientism,” to distinguish it from the inquiry stance we are wanting to see happen in scientific method (and other modes of inquiry).
Aw.. Chou Chou! Sending you so much love!
Agreed, as long as you are not doing anything that will hurt other people or hateful than their is nothing wrong with what you are doing. It sounds like you are doing everything in an educated way. We can only do the best we can. Therefore, I don’t know the individual circumstance but everyone really appreciates you. As long as you are not advocating prayer as a way to cure world hunger.
I just love this comment from you, Michael. Thank you so much. I cannot express how much i appreciate your words.
So sorry this happened…….you do a great service here and it’s unfortunate that people attack! Blessings…..beautiful pic!
Helping someone learn to type isn’t really a therapy, by the way. It has no chance of curing anyone. 😉
=D at Grace
Screw ’em Ariane, some people don’t know any way to be besides unhappy, what matters in all parenting is that your child feels safe with you.
I see no evidence that Emma is experiencing anything but.
Thank you Hannah. Thinking about your impending wedding makes me happy!
I was trying to be discrete, but as Richard asked, “Why?”.
I love you Ib and yours is the voice of reason. You have made my life so much better, everyone should be so lucky as to have an “Ibby” in their life!
So sorry to hear this Ariane, I know how you feel (someone in the Autistic community is spreading lies about me too and trying to discredit me). You have been the most devout mother with much integrity, honesty and diligence, to question that takes a dishonest person/s. Keep doing what you are doing, you are amazing and we are all very lucky to have you in our lives. Please keep writing and researching and being the best mother that you are. I agree with Ib, learning to type is an improvement not a cure. :))
Shenny, you are so kind. Thank you! XX
Sometimes in life ya just gotta Charlie Brown people. As soon as a serious discussion or debate becomes personal, my automatic “wha wha, wha wha” shield goes up.
I’ve been on many message boards, debate boards, and blog discussions over the years. The many amazing people I’ve met and some of the incredible things I’ve learned and insights I’ve gained far outweigh the petty trolls who don’t deserve my time of day.
The courage you show to write here, and show up, every single day….and put your HEART INTO every word you write, never fails to amaze me. Becoming your friend has changed my life, changed how I see my daughter. And I know I’m not the only one….far from it.
There will always be people out there who will argue just for the sake or arguing, and at some point, you just have to tune them out. Hell, I do this with people in real life all the time! 😉 I have alot of very opinionated, very religious, and very political relatives. My standard catch phrase is usually something along the lines of “obviously, we have very different points of view. I’m going to end this discussion before it gets out of hand”. If they think that means they “won”, so be it. I still think they’re morons, and quite honestly – I have better things to do with my time than argue with morons! 😉
My long winded point here, Ariane, is that I think there is a reason you find yourself in this position at this point in your life. What you say desperately needs to be heard. Don’t ever let the moronic trolls out there chase you off, even for a day.
“Wah wah, Wah wah, Wah wah” 🙂 (((((Hugs))))
((((Angie)))) Thank you for making me laugh. I read this aloud to Richard who said, “love that Angie!” and I do.
So sorry you had to deal with this Ariane. You’re helping Emma learn how to communicate her thoughts. I think supported typing as a means for communication is the path we’ll eventually go down for our non-verbal 6 year old son with cerebral palsy. That other people doubt it’s effectiveness/legitimacy is their problem. Thank you for sharing your experience with Emma. She is doing amazing, you must be so happy for her.
Thank you so much Janet. We are.. Happy and proud!
Pingback: Who’s the Scientist Here? | Michael Forbes Wilcox
Well, folks, this was eating at me, so I had to write more, and share that with my own network. Thank you for your supportive comments here, and I invite you to see my additional thoughts at http://www.mfw.us/blog/2012/12/28/whos-the-scientist-here/
Michael, left a comment, thank you so much for this. Really. It means everything to me.
Parents can be so hard on each other, like this is one more way to prove we are the best. Our society is painfully competitive. There will always be naysayers. I think we all need to try to learn from each other rather than discredit each other’s parenting choices. Especially as autism parents… we have so much adversity to overcome as is. Why waste precious energy being critical of one another. I do things a certain way. I love any respect most other parents for doing things the way they believe to be best for their family and their child with autism. The highest, most pure emotion we can have as humans, especially as mothers and fathers, is LOVE. The most destructive ones we can have are malice and self-righteousness. They serve only to divide us onto our own little lonely islands of perfect parenting. What good is “perfect” parenting without love, compassion and empathy? Seriously… I think our children have this understanding. Why can’t we as adults just grow up and live in the light?
What was most surprising was the main attack came from someone who is, evidently, a doctor, not clear as to whether he is a parent or not, though considers himself an expert and has devoted his time and a good amount of energy going after anyone who does not fall into line with his opinions. I’ve been fairly lucky in that this is the first time someones’ gone after me in this way, i know many others who’ve had to cope with similar rants and personal attacks. Not fun. All these comments have been incredibly helpful and make me more determined than ever! Thank you for yours!!
Absolutely! You’re great and you’re loved. Keep doing what you do. You help people. That’s what it’s all about.
You know, this “doctor” could’ve just been some old guy sittin around in stinky boxer shorts! I know you always take people at their word, but unfortunately, there will always be weirdos out there who get off on upsetting people for no good reason. I for one would love to see this guys credentials….he’s probably a graduate of school Wtf?
On another note, Risa has to be sedated and poked at again, thos time dor an mri and xrays. They think she might need rods put in her spine, eventually. 😦
MBP, beautifully said, indeed. As we all know, every person is an individual, and what “works” for one does not necessarily provide help to another. Many of these demi-scientists seem to lose track of that. They cite “average” outcomes as if they apply to everyone. There are always outliers, in both directions. One might call these narrow-minded people shoehorners, or square-peggers. (As in, “you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole!”)
And, yes, love, understanding, and acceptance are more important than anything else. The human psyche is resilient, and will prosper if given the room to grow.
I agree Michael. Thanks for giving the positive feedback. 🙂 It’s always nice to hear when someone agrees with me. It can be the opposite sometimes. Lol. Hugs. Have a great new year.
Welcome to the world of science. This “objective” practice brings out the beast in people. Surprising! But it’s been true since, oh say, at least since Galileo. Odd, huh?
Had to laugh, yup, as long as people disagree some will get ugly, and then we wonder why there is so much bullying in our schools!
That’s why it takes more courage to share things like you have that are deeply personal. To be open about the mistakes you feel you have made and the journey you are on. Things are declared with great certainty constantly and then have to be undeclared. Even in the “harder sciences” many things that I was taught as a child our understanding has changed about in the intervening years.
Any rational person knows that of all the things humans think they know about they know the least about human brains and behaviour. That should leave a lot of room for individual approaches. That some people feel threatened and need to attack is really their problem and does not diminish either your value or your journey. Between the things that were said with certainty about me and the things that were said about children I worked with I know how much of what passes for science as far as developmental disability goes is a delusion on a huge scale and that what works is whatever combination of things you try that result in the greatest happiness for your child. Happiness is not usually used as a measure of outcome but many of the first children with autism I knew through their parents on the net are grown now and whatever their “functioning level” it is happiness that is most remarked on. Your family is a loving and supportive, accepting and nurturing one. Both your children will benefit from that at the end of the day and don’t let some insecure twit make you doubt that. (I think since I don’t know who attacked you I can get away with calling them that. I won’t plead a lack of social skills if someone says I shouldn’t though as insecurity is the usual motive for an unfounded attack so that’s not my autism speaking but all the years of having to study humans as something exterior to myself)
Aw, Gareeth… I always so look forward to your insightful comments. Thank you as always, i do love hearing from you!
When H was tiny I used to whisper words to him when we were out, and he lacked words of his own. When I withdrew that support and he still needed it he would quietly say, “Whisper me Mom.” As his language progressed he would change my whisperings and put them into his own words. That helped me to know that it wasn’t over-prompting or over-scripting – but, rather, matching the support to what he needed.
It is the intuitive dance of sensitivity and co-regulation as we pace ourselves to the shifting and changing needs of our children, and then step back… when they are ready to dance on their own…
((Hugs)) to you my friend! Thank you for dancing with Em so beautifully
(Umm ya… My comment seems to have morphed into a post: http://30daysofautism.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/whisper-me-mom-autism-and-supporting-development/ )
Loved your post, Leah and your kind words of support and encouragement! XX
Loved these thoughts and how you have supported your son with “whispers”.
Dearest Ariane: It takes a woman of absolute strength and beauty with a steadfast commitment to deflect the naysayers and stay true to your cause. You have shed light on autism for so many, me included. I applaud you sweet, motivated, insightfully intelligent, and compassionate Ariane. It takes courage to step forth into the public eye, expressing your inner most thoughts and beliefs. As you shift closer to the light, your shadow will grow as will those who counter your thoughts. Stay true Dear Heart and always communicate ‘from’ your heart. Goodness will reign and your light will continue to touch the world. You are a gift to humanity.
Amanda, thank you so much for this. You have always been a guiding light for me!
You are obviously doing the best you can and I don’t see you doing anything harmful against anyone, I don’t understand why someone would attack you. If they disagreed with something or had a different opinion that would be okay, but attacking makes no sense to me.
Thank you Aliz. Really appreciate your words!
Ariane, I suspect I have a good guess at what you are attacked with.
What happened to that supposed adage, “when you’ve met one child with autism, you’ve met ONE child with autism?” (or, as I’d prefer, “when you’ve met one autistic child, you’ve met ONE autistic child”) I was trained as a scientist, so I “get” the whole argument about research-backed “evidence” but I can equally argue about selection bias and honestly admit that we look at reproducibility to see whether there have been selection bias or statistical manipulations (“there are lies, more lies, and statistics”).
In the past we’ve shared thoughts about certain approaches and our family’s unique experiences. While we’ve had good results with the approach we are using (and it happens to be one that is most well supported by the scientific community) — I have to be honest with you — having met you, read what you’ve written, watched the films you pointed me to watch, connected with the autistic adult(s) I’ve learned about from your blog — I’m at the place where I’m actually glad / relieved that we learned about our child’s dx as “late” (4) as we did, thus engaging with the intervention at this age versus an earlier age. What I used to see as regret and “if only I had known sooner, I could have helped earlier” I have come to see as a blessing.
Even the intervention itself, I have influenced heavily with our emerging family philosophy (summed up as “assuming competence and intelligence — always treat child as if child understands/knows/hears everything you are saying about child”) — because of what I have read on your blog. I have begun to look at the “exit strategy” or “transition plan” when my child will no longer receive the intervention, but begin to navigate with us the environment in which he must survive and thrive.
I am a scientist (a SCIENCE PhD trained one, at that), and I have found wisdom in what you have shared. Our children may be different, but our hearts as parents resonate on a similar frequency, and that was how you helped me. Because of what I have learned from you, I am a better parent to my kid, and being the parent my kid needs me to be — this is what matters the most to me more than any peer-reviewed scientific article.
Jane, so glad to know you and thank you for this.
Living with integrity and open mindedness to helping your child is not something to apologize for. What better Mom could you be? Every child’s puzzle needs different pieces, you are doing such a great job putting your puzzle together to form the big picture.
Aw.. Thank you Robyn!
Ariane, don’t let any of the bitter, nasty, or rude comments/attitudes of others sway you from the wonderful course that you have set. You have clearly helped many with your honesty and well worded posts here.
I see this quote from “Jane” as a big win in the effort to get people to always, Presume Competence, “Even the intervention itself, I have influenced heavily with our emerging family philosophy (summed up as “assuming competence and intelligence — always treat child as if child understands/knows/hears everything you are saying about child”) — because of what I have read on your blog.” If nothing else, this should make it all worth the effort that you are putting into your blogging and sharing. 🙂
As an Autistic adult, I know that I really appreciate having you as an Autistic Ally. It really helps to know that there are parents that truly “get it” like you do. We need more people like you and your blog is helping to make that happen.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are wonderful. I just feel better knowing you are out there.
Ariane, I am sorry to hear you were personally “attacked” regarding a therapy you choose to do with Emma. One thing I have appreciated since reading your posts and getting to know you, is your openness to all views. That you are willing to research what others have tried/not tried with their children is impressive. I had to fight the school district in the past regarding my daughter’s use of FC to communicate and have had to hear and read negative comments by “experts” regarding their views of my daughter’s abilities. It hurt every time, but it certainly never stopped me from doing what I knew was best for my daughter. I knew she was communicating—it didn’t matter what they thought. However, it still hurts to listen to these naysayers, even when it’s not about my daughter in particular but about all those who use typing to communicate. These wonderful individuals have to fight so hard to make themselves heard and then to keep seeing them get shot down is so heartbreaking. Though we are looking forward to getting my daughter’s poetry and art book published, in one way I’m nervous because I know there will be those who will express their doubts, and I don’t want to see Kim hurt. I also think all sides need to consider what they say regarding their beliefs about autism. I have also seen some individuals on the autism spectrum say some pretty unkind things about families who choose various therapies to help improve their children’s lives. I cannot fault any parent for wanting to make their and their children’s lives easier. I don’t think it means the parents aren’t accepting their children as having autism; it’s just that they want to help them reach their best potential and best health possible. Once the child is old enough or can communicate well enough, then he/she can decide if he/she wants to continue or not continue a particular therapy or treatment, but until then, in most cases, the parent is a child’s best advocate. Keep up the good work, Ariane. I have learned so much from your posts.
Thanks Marilyn, as you may have guessed this was about using FC. I have heard the arguments, I understand why people are skeptical, I’ve read the studies concluding that it can’t be replicated under the strenuous conditions such studies require, yet I know of too many, Kim being just one, who uses it to be dismissive of it. I am still learning, I have a long, long way to go before I feel remotely comfortable facilitating Emma, but I will continue to write about it, just as I write about anything and everything related to autism.
Can’t wait to see Kim’s book of poetry and art!
Ariane,have you been to one of Syracuse’s Summer Institute/Conference yet? We went after Kim first learned to communicate and found it so helpful. I would love for Kim and I to go again this summer if we can scrape together the funds. What I loved so much about it was there was finally a place where Kim and other non-verbal individuals were totally accepted just as they were. It didn’t matter if any made loud noises or had “odd” behaviors or whether typed a little or a lot. All were treated with dignity and respect.
Joe (Emma’s therapist of nine years) and I plan to go to the workshop in March and then the conference in July. It would be great to see you there!
Just keep going girl. You do what’s best and what’s working for you. Just think Emma has come this far right. How much has that depended on you and Richard. I bet this doc will have had nothing to do with it. I’ve had people give me tons of advice. Some are so pushy it’s crazy! No scratch that. They’re crazy!
There can’t be just one way. It can’t work that way. I’ve read all your blog posts about helping Emma with communication. Way to go Emma for all your progress. She’s happy and positive about it, so it’s all good. That’s the real study. My boy has made big gains at his school. No data or study can change that. The data or studies mean nothing if your child doesn’t see the result from the type of therapy. It’s not about data or what works for some or even many. It’s what works for the individual. Keep going, just keep going. Hey did you know Leah Kelly has written on a similar topic lately. Something in the air I guess.
Yes! Leah commented above and said this post had inspired her, she left the link and I’m flattered!! Love Leah’s blog and she’s a good friend too, so I feel doubly lucky. And now all the more so seeing your comment here too! Thanks for these kind words of support. I always love hearing from you.
If you haven’t heard of her, check out Carly Fleischmann on youtube, I’m reading Carly’s Voice (a book she had a hand in writing) and its incredible the way she’s learned to communicate after living with autism for so many years as non verbal.
Loved her book and the Youtube videos. I found her story incredibly helpful.
I saw Carly on The Doctors, but haven’t read her book yet. She is amazing. Another awesome young lady who communicates via FC and has become independent to a degree is Kayla Takeuchi. You can see her video here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzYIidZvfjA. Then, of course, there is Sharisa Joy Kochmister and Sue Rubin, both who used FC and have become independent typers. Here is a video of Sue recently at the racetrack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWyQhNXQSOo There are also many non and low-verbal people who have learned to type via Soma Mukhopadhya’s Rapid Prompting Method which is similar. It is so exciting to me to see more and more non and low-verbal individuals being able to show the world that they are in there and how intelligent they really are.
It is exciting Marilyn! So exciting! At a certain point “science” will catch up to this, there are simply too many to ignore.
Always be suspicious of “doctors”. That’s why being a doctor is called a “practice”. That’s what they do. They practice. They don’t KNOW, they’re simply practicing what they believe/hope may be right. A loving parent who sees the progress in communication exhibited by her daughter is not just practicing, she is succeeding.
I wonder what motivates someone to resort to angry invective and attack on a personal lever. That “doctor” must have some really deep issues himself. It sounds as though he is trying to convince himself that he is “right”. The upside of his diatribe is that he has strengthened you and all those wonderful parents and autistics who have sprung to your defense.
Along with Amanda Boxtel you are another of my heroine/angels! Keep on flying. It’s on the wings of love, and that means more than someone who is weighed down with anger.
Thanks so much Mom! 💕 And yes, I think my oppositional/defiant tendencies very much work in my favor regarding attacks like this…. it only serves to fuel my determination!! Must be genetic… 🙂
So are you Ariane’s mom? I loved what you said here about some “doctors”. It made me smile. Ariane, for sure, is a heroine!
Marilyn, I don’t know that my mother has ever checked the little box saying “notify me of follow-up comments via email” so I’m leaping in here! Yes, Marilyn, meet my mother, Paula. Paula – this is Marilyn!
Science, lately, has been very dismissive of our humanity. It is a sad thing and a sad thought. We have to be turned inside out to prove that we are complex and even complicated. After we expose ourselves we are said to be nothing, incapable beings that must have a thinking being guiding our thoughts.
And we are never good enough.
I know how frustrated you are but I feel good that you are not afraid to give Emma every opportunity to show all she is. And I hope you believe that it is better to be able to show our competence than to be silenced by fear of the unwavering skeptical. They will never accept their faulty reasoning.
I can only believe in competence and I thank you for helping me understand just how crucial that is. There are far too many people like yourself who are directly affected by virulent, brutal disbelief. Believing in my child’s competence has been the single most important thing we’ve done.
I love you, Amy.
Dearest Wifey, you rock! I’m so happy to read this outpouring of love from everyone above and hope you can take it in. So often you doubt yourself and question the importance of what you are doing here on this blog, in the autistic community and the world at large — and of course, in our family. You are and always have been, my number one hero.
Aw… honey, thanks for always having my back, for being such an amazing, supportive and wonderful husband.
Way to go, Richard! A supportive hubby and father makes all the difference in the world. I am so thankful for my husband, and Kimberly’s dad, who no only believes in pir daughter Kim’s competence, but also supports her typing as well.
sorry you were attacked! but i think you’ve got enough support from others. what i want to say is: great photo! is that aspen?
Thanks Stephen. Yes, the town is in the opposite direction and just below us.
We can get rid of the “us vs. them” attitude in society, but there is nothing we can do to get rid of the “them vs. us” attitude in society. That is up to them, not us.
Maybe we can set such a good example, they’ll be so in awe they’ll want to be part of “us”!! Hehe… or not..
Science has its limits. Doctors have limits. Some of them won’t acknowledge these limits. Or admit them. That does not make their knowledge superior. Or right. It just makes them obnoxious. And sometimes downright dangerous.
TO Marilyn: thank you for smiling, and yes, I am the proud mother of Ariane, grandmother of Emma. I should be so lucky as to have them part of my family!
My grandfather (Ariane’s greatgrandfather and Emma’s great-great grandfather) who was professor of medieval French literature and head of the Romance Language Department at the University of Chicago for 35 years) said he didn’t want to be called “doctor” but preferred “professor” because doctors practice often what they don’t know at all, but professors just profess what they do know. Doctors claim to be “god” but Professors only claim to be fallible humans.
And now my friend, let me be the first to say congratulations! You are an honest, forthcoming and kind human being. You are being rewarded for who you are and the beauty that is your heart. One of the hardest lessons I work to teach my kids is that is to do the right thing, even when you don’t think you are rewarded for it. Because you are. Sometimes it just seems to take a while or you can’t see it, but you are. This time Ariane you can clearly see it! I look forward to seeing you on Freshly Pressed! 🙂
Well, the fun has begun! Thanks for blazing a trail dear friend!!
I think only YOU have the right to decide which way you want to go. You are the mom of your daughter and see best what helps her. If it´s a not common therapy, why not? Does it always need to be the usual way? Why? The result is what matters and no one has the right to attack you because they´re not in your situation. Don´t give up your way, I´m sure your daughter is thankful for this even if she can´t show it that much.
Thanks so much Candra!
you are right…honesty does lead to a great deal of vulnerability. and, i think that is why it is so powerful. thank you for sharing.
Thanks for commenting
It is difficult when people come at you with judgement and bad intentions, you do have to take it in stride, even though it takes a lot of patience. A lot of people have a short fuse, to my detriment I have no fuse at all. Working with projects that benefit children at http://www.playgroundentertainmentgroup.com I have to meditate all the time in order to keep my sanity.
Well some would say meditating is much harder than not responding to nasty people’s words! Good for you for meditating… AND keeping your sanity 🙂
We know our children so intimately and question ourselves so thoroughly, each decision and uncertainty stacked against truths that resonate sometimes without reason. I respect and admire your openness.
Thanks so much for reaching out. It’s nice to “meet” you!
best you can…that’s all any of us can do. Good job, Mama.
so happy for you getting fresh pressed
Aw… thanks so much. Kind of exciting and baffling all at the same time!
Great Work ^_^
“There’s no meaning to a flower unless it blooms.”
Hey, thanks so much for stopping by.
Your always Welcome To mY blog
HAppy NEw Yr. 🙂
Thanks Parth, I just did. Wonderful photographs!!
Thank You So much 🙂
Glad You liked Them 🙂
It’s hard work being a parent and it’s heartbreaking being a parent to a child that has health challenges. The best advice I received while trying to wade through the public health system to gain medical care for my son, was to be his advocate and to fight for what I believed was the best treatment options for him. It’s never easy, especially when you encounter many opinions from people who think they know best, but as mum, you do know best. Trust you gut and your instinct. Hugs! xx
Thanks so much Louise!
Honesty is the best policy.
Violence is the refuge of defeated argument.
Be happy to be attacked, it means you’ve scored an unanswerable point; your opposition is uncomfortable to the point of desperation. In short: you’ve won.
Ha! I love your thinking on this!
This is a giant, shining, brilliant example of taking the high road, dear. Misery loves company, but it’s best to let them sit alone 🙂 Keep doing what you’re doing. You have a whole lot of supportive people here to drown out the few negative ones!
Thanks so much Tori!
Reblogged this on Creative Writing Composed by: Kiprotich Arap Ruto and commented:
“I might be you and you might be me…. we are all one… Yes, we are unique individuals and also we are all connected. When you suffer, I suffer too – it affects me, and I affect you… I feel your energy and you feel my energy. When You are happy, I feel happy… we share energy, good or bad energy, positive or negative energy, encouraging / constructive energy or discouraging / depressing energy. And so, personally I choose to feel happy / joy regardless… This is me sharing some of my positive energy with the world, because I might be you and you might be me…. we are all one… we are all connected” – Kiprotich Arap Ruto – (Inspired by: Emma: http://emmashopebook.com )
Although I think your title says it all (and I agree completely; “the best we can” is all we can ever do, and it looks different for everyone. In that we should support each other), I read your post and I admire you for staying objective. The world needs more parents like you. Best of luck, and congratulations.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
I love your digital photo you selected to post with this blog. I hope your blog will inspire others to be good parents like you. What do you think?
“Science” has been wrong so many times I’ve lost count. A mother’s gut and well-researched opinion? Well, those I’ll back anytime. Keep fighting the good fight.
Thanks so much!
Keep you head and chin up! You are doing just fine and don’t let someone elses negativity or bad day make your day much the same. Keep smiling through it and take those hurtful comments with a grain of salt.
🙂 Thanks for the encouragement!
You are a great mom! Doing the best remedy is all you want for your daughter! We all want the best for our children that’s why we believe on and keep on persuasive for the best of them! I agreed on you. I truly enjoyed your post. Congratz for being on FP!
Thanks so much Jim, really appreciate it!
it’s my pleasure. Good luck for more write ups! 🙂
Enjoyed your post; very easy to relate. A book that I have found to be a great resource for conflict resolution (if you are interested in reading it), is a book entitled “The Peacemaker.” The author, Ken Sande, does a great job of helping the reader look at conflict through various perspectives and to get beyond the “me vs. them” thought process. Enjoy. 🙂
Oh I love book recommendations! Will definitely look for it. Thanks so much!!
Reblogged this on Out of a Pure Heart Ministries and commented:
Truth. Thanks for sharing it.
I can feel your authenticity and that is the gift you are giving the world. Don’t let any attack or attacker take away from this gift you have to give. You provided a very gracious response.
Thanks so much for the encouragement!
Sometimes, it’s more difficult to explain something than to just accept that others might not understand. Strength and courage. Thank you for sharing.
Oh this is so, so true!
Reblogged this on GK Reviews and commented:
This post is in consideration of reviewing.
I/m sorry to read this. Gathering from your blog title, it looks like you are talking about autism treatments, and it’s awful that someone would try to criticize your actions. We never know what will work. Good on you for not getting bogged down by this person.
All the best to you and your family.
Thank you so much Nish! Wishing you and yours well.
From what you have written, I see that you have a straight forward, thoughtful approach to things. Ignore the stones and pitfalls on the way, and continue your journey. Wish you best of luck…
Aw… thanks so much Hope. (Love your name!)
I know that feel. Thank you for writing this.
The first paragraph of this really jumped out at me, and spoke to me specifically today. I am in the middle of a compeltely unrelated but similar challenge, and needed just that message! Thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry this is something you’ve experienced. Or should I write that in the present tense?
It was a bit ironic that after I was so viciously attacked, WordPress told me they were putting this post on their “fresh pressed” page. It’s kind of incredible how many people have identified with it. I guess the good news is – we aren’t alone!
Thank you for sharing!I totally can relate to this! Wise words! I wish you the loads of strength! Greetings from halfway around the World.
Thanks so much Tina! It’s nice meeting you!
I know very little about autism, but from what I understand, it is a wide ranging illness. Not everyone will react the same way to every treatment. Nobody really understands the noise and the lightning flashes and the music that is in someone else’s head.
Haters hate. No matter what truth you tell them. The internet just makes it much more efficient.
I love your comment “the internet just makes it much more efficient.” Whew! That is so true. Here’s to strength, love and generosity!
Reblogged this on alvinszaif.
Reblogged this on SOMEDAY….
All a Mum ever wants it to do their very best for their child. We all have to make decisions and we have to make those using the info available to us. You seem to do all you can and more to make sure you are happy with your choices so how anyone can attack that is beyond me. You are so much better than your attacker and I think all of the messages above prove this. Good luck
Thanks so much!
Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
Love the wonderful chess pieces on your blog!
Keep on doing what you’re doing. As you say they personal attack on you has nothing to do with you. As hurtful as it is, it’s more of a reflection on them.
Plus they’re probably a meanie anyway 😉 Keep smiling!
Reblogged this on Jaggi.
I like this blog. It’s really cool.
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We’re all doing the best we can, with what little we may have, and i’m glad, that you’re putting yourself out there, despite what others may say about your point of view
Thanks so much. Really appreciate your words!
Great post, wise words that the rest of us “bloggers” need to keep in mind. Thanks!
Thanks so much Elizabeth!
Thank you for defending people with autism. I know I would have attacked someone if they said anything bad about my son, he has autism. But you have a big heart though. I look forward to reading more from you 🙂
Aw, thanks so much! 🙂
I work with autistic kids in my therapy practice and I have never seen a one size fits all approach work. Each autistic child is a world unto themselves in a semi-related universe. As far as the psuedo-science, once a treatment that gets called that has helped even one child stop screaming all night, I’m too practical to care if everybody doesn’t agree with it. I just want the poor parents and that tortured kid to be able to sleep through the night, or walk in a door and make a relational comment to the people in the room, or stop fighting putting their snow boots on when it’s 10 below.
Fight the good fight and keep giving people the hope to keep looking.
Thanks so much. Really appreciate it.
Excellent. Very well said. I’ve been attacked and more often judged by those who really have no clue. I know that vicious urge to lash out in retaliation…. but I’ve learned the hard way to contain it. It only makes it worse.
Right? I’ve almost always regretted responding whereas I’ve never regretted not!
No matter what any of us do, there will always be someone out there to judge us, good or bad, right or wrong. Criticism is more a reflection on the one passing judgment. All we can do is move forward with pure intent and do the best we can. For the only one who really needs to agree with us is ourselves. Trust your intuition and ignore the outside chatter. Honestly, YOU know best. And it sounds to me that you are doing exactly that. Dance the steps to your dance, not the dance of your critic. For I’m sure your dance is lighter and filled with much more joy. And hopefully the critic, one day, will learn your dance too.
Thanks for your lovely words of encouragement!