It’s always interesting to get attacked by someone you’ve never met.  All the more so when they write about how “narcissistic” I am, while talking about themselves and bolstering themselves up in comparison.  They use this blog, link to it, as a spring-board to talk about themselves.  They talk about how they are such a “bad autism mom” because they do not do whatever it is they perceive me to be doing, while at the same time congratulating themselves.  All of this they say with a liberal dose of sarcasm and “eye rolling”.  How easy it is to criticize everyone else.  How easy it is to sit on one’s little self-made throne of superiority, picking apart other people’s lives, while avoiding looking at one’s own.  It’s so much more fun to sit in judgment of everyone else.

There are so many blogs out there, written by all kinds of people about all kinds of things.  Why choose to talk about the blogs you don’t like?  Why not talk about the ones you do.  This blog isn’t for everyone.  If you don’t like what I write about, you don’t like what I say, you don’t agree, then comment, start a conversation, have the guts to say something here, directly to me, or don’t, and go find another of the tens of thousands of blogs out there.  But devote an entire post to all that I’ve written that pisses you off while calling me names, meanwhile using the cloak of anonymity?  Seriously?  Why do that?

I always find it interesting that the meanest comments (and by “mean” I do not mean those who disagree, I mean, nasty, sarcastic and those who resort to name calling) almost always come from people who do not use their real names.  I understand many people choose to use other names to protect themselves and those they write about, I understand that many do so for good and well thought out reasons, but there are others who do so because they say awful things about other people, things they would not have the courage to say to the person’s face while hiding behind their safety net of anonymity.

I have a lot of ambivalence about this blog.  I always have.  I love that my daughter says she’d like to write things to post on here.  I look forward to the day when this blog becomes hers, or we decide to shut it down and she begins her own, if that’s what she would prefer.  I do not post photos of her without her permission.  I do not quote her without her permission.  I try to write honestly.  I write about what I know.  I write about what I think about.  I write about the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make.  I try to write with a certain degree of self-reflection.  I write about what I’m learning.  I’ve written about my past, my childhood, addiction, career, passions.  I try to keep the focus on “my side of the street.”  Often that’s not easy.  It would be far easier to write about everyone else, a running critique of everyone else’s poor behavior, but doing that is not the person I want to be.  I have worked hard these last two decades of my life to be and behave differently.  My default mode of being in this world does not serve me or others.  Being self-involved, a victim, blaming my bad behavior on others, doesn’t help me.  What do I learn from that? How is any of that going to improve anything?  I can’t control other people.  The only thing I have any control over is my response and my actions.  I try hard to not get into judging and condemning others.  I try.  I’m not perfect.

I do what I can to live a life with purpose.  Some people are going to disagree, some people won’t like the way I write.  Some people will decide they “know” me and don’t like what they think they know.  They will find fault.  That’s okay.  But don’t come here and use this blog as a spring-board to talk about how superior you are because you “don’t do” what I am doing.  Don’t twist my words around, take them out of context to bolster yourself up.  Go get some help.  There are lots of people who specialize in helping people with issues of self-esteem.  You want to have more self-confidence?  You want to deal with your insecurities?  Trust me bashing, judging, criticizing others isn’t going to give you what you’re looking for.  You want to complain about me and what I seem to represent to you, go for it.  But have the guts to do it to my face or at least do it here, while using your real name.  Don’t link to this blog from yours.  I don’t need nor do I want the traffic that is generated from your words.

34 responses to “Blogging

  1. Look at it from a different point…
    Your name is more popular because of their opinions about you and now you will get more readers out of curiosity in the beginning then out of interest in the end ..if Indeed they are worthy of your wit!

  2. There are some ppl who live their whole lives in that mind space of negativity. Aren’t you glad you are not one of them? ❤

  3. I wonder how many readers will now read how many older blogs of yours just to look for the mean comment! Sometimes the petty drama is oh-so-very-captivating to oh-so-many-people 🙂

  4. Ariane I’m sorry to hear that someone was so unnecessarily rude. I know it happens, but the lack of sincerity and straightforwardness disgusts me. I think that for someone to be mean and nasty to someone else the way you describe means that person feels threatened, and uncomfortable, and instead of actually speaking like a person, they choose to lash out and be mean. How despicable.

  5. ((Hugs)) and ((Love)) to you Ariane.

  6. You have written something that was really to be written.Blogging is something that inspires people,and i oppose those persons who are blogging for popularity because blogging is a place or a social networking where people express their ideas either for their improvement or skull.
    I appreciate your thoughts.Great read
    Yasmeen 🙂

  7. Heather Clark @Mom2Rebels

    ((Hugs)) and ((Love)) Ariane.

  8. Who? Lemme at ’em!

  9. sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly and remaining open to criticism and change is tough, vulnerable stuff and you do it with grace. much love to you, my friend.

  10. Whoever it was, he or she is not worthy of your time. The way some people conduct themselves within our community makes me almost ashamed to belong sometimes.

  11. It’s always the self-promoters that find themselves surrounded by narcissists, isn’t it? And it’s always the anonymous (not the ones w/ established pseudonyms, but the ones who use throw-aways) that are fastest to scream “coward”! Most importantly, it’s always the people with no ideas who try to hide that behind attacking other people instead of discussing the thoughts they’ve shared.

  12. Good for you for speaking up.

  13. I agree most of all with yasmeem from comment above…you are writing what we all are also ready to hear, if I understand correctly. This also may work in the opposite direction that for those who feel so badly about themselves, you are a target for that.
    You have much support. Love to you from us

  14. I’m sorry you had to go through that, the internet is full of anonymously mean people, I wish it was not. I love hearing your perspective, even if its not necessarily my perspective. We are all different, and that is a good thing! We all love our kids at the end of the day. Just live in integrity and then you can sleep well at night, I don’t see how some people can.

  15. Keep going – Angus

  16. It takes courage to put yourself and your words out in the world as you do in such an honest manner. The dialog we are engaged in is essential. Don’t let this bring you down or dissuade you!! Rock on AZ!!!

  17. Typical of people !
    Your an amazing mother , I’m proud of you !! Most of us get it ….
    Love you ,

  18. Your Reflexivity isn’t narcissism, and those of us who read the blog regularly, enjoy your reflections very much.

  19. Mean people suck. (Makes angry face!) What you do is way too important to let the pettiness of someone who doesn’t even have the balls to identify themselves get you down. Unfortunately, it happens when you put yourself out there.

    ((((Hugs)))) and do like I do – just tune out, Charlie Brown style. Mwaw mwaw, mwaw mway.

    Sendin love!

  20. Some people are always going to try and tear someone like you down because of their own insecurities and small mindedness. Keep up the blog work Ariane. You do good work and give the world of autism another needed voice.

  21. sophiestrains

    As a relatively new reader, I can say that your blog is one of the gentlest and most respectful blogs that I’ve come across. I also strive to be mindful and live (and write) in a positive but also honest way. Many times I read your entries and quietly reflect on your words for some time afterwards. I’m not sure what someone would be offended by, as your work is mostly personal and introspective (how can someone be offended by someone else’s personal reflections?) Unless this person has some self-doubt which your perspective exposed in themselves. I have also been challenged in my views since reading some of your entries, but I welcomed it- how can we grow without being challenged in our convictions?
    Keep up your work and don’t let insecure minds cut you down. The world is a better place with your voice in it.

  22. I am sorry that someone did this…I have had a but if snarkiness and I truly don’t understand it. There are enough bloggers that one can be entertained reading the ones you like and skipping the others.
    Blessings to you 🙂

  23. A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

  24. Ariane…don’t change a thing…you are honest, open and refreshing…Young Mom’s need to read your thoughts…
    The love and passion you feel to make sure you doing everything right, is touching. Are you going make mistakes…stand in a very long line billion miles ahead of many Moms!
    So happy you “addressed” these curmugeons and have a good time hitting the delete key!!

  25. Sorry, I meant “stand in a very long line, billion miles “behind” many other Moms…including me!”

  26. Thanks to all of you who have left such kind and supportive comments. I do not usually feel this beaten down by attacks, after all this certainly isn’t the first time someone has pinned their sniper scope on me, nor, I’m sure will it be the last… it definitely helps to read all the kind and thoughtful words here. Really, really appreciate it. I send all of you love and gratitude for taking the time to comment with such generosity and care.

  27. People who criticize you behind your back are cowards I love you and what you write.

  28. Your blog brings wisdom, clarity, depth, awareness, and strong opinions to the world of autism. I think my most favorite are your strong opinions. It is in reading and learning about your perspective that I come to understand my own perspectives and beliefs. I do not agree with everything you write, but ironically I find that our differing views help me to grow and learn. For this I am grateful.

    Case in point…recently you wrote a post on facilitated communication. I am new to this concept and quite frankly didnt know much at all in regards to this subject before reading your post. I mentioned the post to my sister who is getting her masters in ABA therapy (which I know you despise), and we were able to have a great conversation and moments of deep reflection because of what you wrote. Her and I stand on different platforms than you do on this subject but that is ok. Before your post I couldn’t even approach one side or the other because of my ignorance on the subject. So while our beliefs at times may be different, I can respect those differences and be grateful for them!

  29. Corbett Joan O'Toole

    I hate how mean people take up energy – especially from people who are sharing their truth – as you are. I am sorry that this person used you. I am happy that you are naming the abuse and refusing to stop your beautiful light from shining through.

  30. People have to go for the best. They don’t get to the top by picking on the bottom. They show their insecurities and inability though when they have to use what you do and write as a topic. Always remember that your the original. If they don’t got you they would have nothing. If they can’t talk about you they would have no topic and become uninteresting. That the main interest is you because your original. No if I fed into your so called narcissism then good lol. Keep blogging I don’t always see eye to eye with you but at least I have the guts to disagree with you on your page when I do disagree with you. I’m still a fan though. Brush off shoulder and shake it off. They got nothing.

    • Wait. What? You DON’T agree with everything I say??? (I’m just kidding) 🙂
      Hell, I don’t even agree with everything I say! Though I always believe what I’m saying when I am writing it, but as you and those who have followed this blog for any amount of time have seen, I do keep learning and as I do, I often find what I once thought or believed, I no longer do.
      Thanks for your comment and supportive, encouraging words. I always like reading your comments, even when we don’t agree. 😉

  31. Pingback: In the News – October 2013 | The PsychoJenic Archives

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