Breastfeeding? I’m More Interested In Emma’s Culinary Skills

All of you have undoubtedly heard and some may have even read the issue of Time Magazine featuring a beautiful young woman on the cover with her three-year old son, who by the way, looks large enough to take on my 12-year old, (but that really is beside the point, or maybe it isn’t actually) standing on a child’s chair while his mouth is glued to her delicate breast, presumably breast feeding.  Both are staring into the camera while the text reads “Are you, and in large, red, bold type, Mom Enough?”  I’ve included the photo at the end of this post.

This is not a subject matter I care about.  At all.  They may as well have made the headline  “Masturbation:  Who Does and Doesn’t.”  My response would still be – who cares and frankly, who has time?  I haven’t picked up a magazine, any magazine for a long time.  My idea of reading a magazine is to glance at the salacious headlines on various covers while in line at Duane Reade picking up another bottle of shampoo because Emma has just emptied the contents of the last bottle into our sink while stirring it around with a large wooden spoon and singing, “Stir, stir, stir the soup, stir, stir, stir the soup…”  (I’m taking run on sentences and parenthetical remarks to a whole new level here.  Feeling sadly proud of this, I should add.)  In any case, I’m showing up late to this particular party, something I seem to have a knack for, because I’ve got a lot of other stuff going on and simply don’t have time to keep up with the latest “news.”

But last night while waiting for Nic’s school concert to begin, I scrolled through some tweets and came upon this article written for Redbook (another magazine I never read), by Joslyn Gray entitled, 10 Reasons I Don’t Care About Time’s Breastfeeding Cover.   Had I not had an hour to kill, had I not forgotten to bring any other reading material, I would have ignored the tweet and thus the article and would have missed out on this hilarious piece.  I had to share the link here because I laughed out loud while reading it.  Literally.  Out loud as in inadvertently snorting.  Joslyn Gray also has a blog – Stark. Raving. Mad. Mommy.  I haven’t had time to go to it, but intend to.

After reading the article I had to find the actual cover of the Time Magazine piece.  As I looked at the cover, I thought – How much did this child weigh at birth?  How is it possible that her breasts are that small and perky and yet contain enough milk to nourish such a big kid?  Is he that tall because she’s still breast feeding?   Calcium…  And then I made a mental note to encourage Nic to drink more milk.  

I then went off into a whole reverie of when I was breast feeding my children and how I luxuriated (briefly, oh so briefly) in having, what Richard and I joked, “porn tits” because when they were engorged with milk they became rock hard and therefore looked fake, as in 1950’s fake, before cosmetic surgeons perfected the art of more natural looking and feeling, I’m told, breasts.  Emma didn’t get her teeth until very late and yet all she wanted was to eat real food.  Nic got his teeth early and yet preferred breast feeding.  It all seemed like a cruel joke.  Emma would snatch whole steaks off nearby plates while the unsuspecting person would stare in surprise at their now empty plate and wonder what happened, while she gummed the steak voraciously.

Thankfully Nic’s concert began, interrupting my musings.

The point is I, like Joslyn Gray, don’t care about who breastfeeds, who doesn’t, for how long or anything else breast related.  I’m much more interested in figuring out why Emma thinks pouring an entire bottle of shampoo into the kitchen sink and then mixing it with a wooden spoon constitutes soup.

The magazine cover that has America talking

My latest piece The Depiction of Autism and Why it Matters published in the Huffington Post

17 responses to “Breastfeeding? I’m More Interested In Emma’s Culinary Skills

  1. Thanks for the laugh. I get all my “news” standing in line at the grocery store. Always good for a laugh and a shaking of the head. And have to mention, your posts are having an affect on me, went to the movies last night, French film, first laughing about the whole French accent thing, then when I see the production company is 2.4.7 films, I start saying “two and four and seven” like Emma reading a clock!!! 🙂

  2. Oh I love that! And here I’ve been trying to perfect my Irish accent.

  3. Sarah Caldwell

    May I recommend an activity… My children and I enjoyed making this version of play dough… Simple enough… Corn starch and water, you can add food color if you want. Start with 1/2 cup corn starch, and enough water to mix it all together. I would add the color to the water first! Reach into the bowl and grab some mix, working it in your hand it stays together. The instant you relax your hand it flows thru the fingers!

    PS have you read the book Riding the Bus with My Sister? I LOVED it!!
    Empathetic and wryly told….

    • Thank you for the recipe! I think this is something Emma would enjoy. I haven’t read Riding the Bus, or even heard about it, but I just bought it for my iPad. Thx for the recommendation.

  4. maybe emma’s recipe works for the same reason as zack’s, just because it does! He denuded my garden of flowers a few weekends ago, put them in a jug, filled it with water, did an imitation of it going around in the microwave then said
    here mum, your tea!

  5. Oh that is funny. Except for the fact that you must have been a tiny bit upset that your lovely garden no longer had any flowers! But how brilliant is he? And who knows maybe it tastes good too! I used to buy chamomile flowers to brew chamomile tea when I lived in London.

  6. Love love this post…..yes! who has the time??? and who cares! My thoughts exactly. Let’s have enough time to care about the ones we truly cherish.

  7. Exactly, so many other, more important things to take up space in our heads and lives!

  8. I found this extra funny because we go through shampoo here like CRAZY too. It is used as paint in the shower. Pokemon art is all over the glass walls. She keeps a paint brush in there too. Coupons keep her in paint supplies but it still isn’t fun to go wash my hair and the bottle is empty, the one I put in the shower two days ago. Love your posts. I don’t feel so “only in this house” when I read them :0)

  9. Thanks so much Barbara. I am buying those jugs of shampoo that they sell! I love the Pokemon art in the shower! How great is that?

  10. Brett decided to take a bath the other night with the entire bottle of body wash himself! Never thought either about the fact of whether or not I should have breast feed longer …while I was attempting to get that slicked up little boy out of the tubbie! LOL! 🙂 I do sneak 10 minutes a week though on my daughters kindle for my OK magazine subscription……just my personal indulgence to forget things for a wee bit and imagine all I have to cope with is what I will wear to my next awards ceremony! :O)

  11. aboveedenhealingarts

    I’m so glad I”m home alone because I literally laughed out loud when you described the shampoo soup. My 11 y/o son with “aspergers” (I’m not entirely sure I agree that’s what it really is) does. All the time. With anything in a bottle. Sometimes into the cat litter (which now resides in my bathroom) sometimes into the sink, toilet, trash can, down the shower drain… all the anger I’d felt at my money being poured down the drain and that none of my other 6 kids had shampoo now and they had to use mine turned into an eruption of laughter while reading your post. Because, really, it is funny… right?

    • Yes! Who knew there were so many of us going through similar experiences with soapy liquids of one kind or another being poured down the drains of our collective sinks?!

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