Tag Archives: politics

Emma’s Letter to Her Teachers

This is a letter Emma wrote yesterday to her teachers.

Dear ____________________,

I would like to teach you how to use a stencil board so that I can show you how much I know and so we can discuss what you are teaching me in class.

I want to learn both syntax and style of diverse writers.  Poetry and prose both interest me.  I love to write stories and welcome the opportunity to do so.

You try to teach me, but not in a way that I can learn.  Try to learn what my mother has learned from Soma and change how you think about autism.

Addition and subtraction are fun, but I have been doing that for many years and numbers are easy for me to understand.  It is boring to do the same thing over and over all the time.

I do not like school and I wish I could go to a regular school where I was treated like other kids.

Sincerely,

Emma

After Emma wrote this letter I sat with my husband Richard, clutching the three pages it took to contain these words that Emma wrote, pointing to one letter at a time on her laminated letter board.  I asked Emma if I had her permission to read her words aloud to her dad, she nodded yes and then said out loud, “on the blog.”

Education for our kids, whatever their neurology, is something every parent worries about.  Our schools are buckling under the weight of mismanagement, bureaucracy, out dated and irrelevant standardized test requirements, politics, and the diverse needs of our children, make any one-size-fits-all method of teaching impossible.

I don’t have any answers, but I intend to get some.

To anyone who has successfully gotten their non-speaking child (or a child like Emma who is able to speak, but says things they do not intend) into a “regular” school, please contact me and let me know how you did it.  Does your child have a one-on-one aide?  Did you train the aide yourself?  Do you do RPM?  Did the school work with you?  If they didn’t, what did you do instead?  Any and all experiences are welcome.  You can also contact me by email:  emmashopeblog@gmail.com.

A Session With Soma

A Session With Soma

Trouble Awaits if I Forget

I began this blog almost three years ago as a document of my daughter.  At that time I knew nothing about advocacy, I knew only one Autistic adult though I’d read the works of the most famous Autistic people ~ Donna Williams and Temple Grandin.  I assumed there were few Autistic adults because I believed what I was being told, that autism was an epidemic, and I feared it mightily.  I had a few people, made up of close friends and family members, who began to read what I wrote.  This blog was a place for me to write about how I felt and, while I tried to keep my feelings to a minimum and reported lots of dialogue and any progress I saw, I did write occasionally about how sad, angry, frustrated, scared and yes,  sorry for myself I was.  I never once considered how Emma might feel about what I was writing because Emma barely spoke, didn’t read (as far as I knew) and the idea of “presuming competence” was one I’d never heard spoken, let alone considered.  Regardless, I tried to stay upbeat.  I grew up in a WASPY enough environment to believe it was unbecoming to air one’s dirty laundry.  In addition, I believed and still do, in the power of positive thinking.  I wanted to feel hopeful, even though, it seemed to be in short supply.

As time went on and more people found this blog I continued to write about our life.  I understood that having an Autistic child made what I wrote more interesting than had I been writing about a neurotypcial child.  I never thought of it as an “opportunity” but I was certainly aware that I was being given a platform I might not have otherwise had.  I wrote a number of posts where I agonized about what it was to be the parent of such a child.  I saw nothing wrong with my thinking.  *Those posts have since been removed.  I do not post any photos or quotes without explicit permission.*  Had anyone said to me then – can you understand that your daughter’s neurology is not “good” or “bad”, that Autism in and of itself cannot and should not be judged as a deficit, with those whose neurology is in the majority held up as good and enviable, I might have been able to hear them.  But no one did say that.  No one said anything remotely like that to me.  Ever.  Not. Once.

Had someone patiently explained the concept of “presume competence” and exactly why it was so important would I have been able to hear them?  Had someone explained the relationship between depression, lack of self-esteem, how ALL children, whether they are verbal or not, whether they appear to understand or not, internalize what is said and thought of them, I probably would have understood.  I might have even felt the surge of hope I was so desperate for and that I felt so many years later when someone actually did take the time to patiently explain these concepts.  If someone went on to describe the problematic and ultimately destructive issues related to functioning labels I might have been able to comprehend, not right away, but I would certainly have found those concepts intriguing and would have wanted to know more.  Would these ideas have been enough to change the trajectory we found ourselves on?   I like to think the answer is yes.  I am just grateful, enough Autistic people took the time and energy to explain to me when they did.   These concepts are the basis for everything I do and think regarding Autism and my daughter.

Just a year ago, when I began to read the blogs of Autistics who were in their early 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and *gasp* 50’s my understanding changed radically and rapidly.  I started to see that if I wanted a personal place to vent I could do so in a support group or in a personal journal, but that what I wrote about on a public blog or submitted to the Huffington Post was reaching far more than just a few family members and close friends.  Things were easily misunderstood, my intentions were mistaken, the message I was sending was misconstrued.  Slowly, slowly over time I began to realize just how skewed public perception was and how that perception was affecting public policy, the media, where money was being spent.  I heard repeatedly how public perception played out in people’s lives.  I became aware of how pervasive the inequality and injustice was and remains and I became determined to speak out about it.  This was no longer just about my hopes and dreams for my children.  This was about human rights being blatantly ignored.

And yet, all of this is tricky.  There’s a huge danger of being seduced by one’s own ego.  When either of my children become boosters for my self worth and ego I know problems will arise.  When being a parent of an autistic child gives me a platform that I otherwise would not have available to me, I need to acknowledge that. Regardless of whether I asked for it, intended or even wanted that platform, I have to respect its presence.  When being the parent of an autistic child becomes my identity, I know I’ve drifted away from where I need to be.  My Autistic child is not “who” I am.  That’s putting way too much pressure on any child, and it sets up an unhealthy and untenable relationship.  Trouble certainly awaits me if I forget that.

A Peek at the Hudson River taken from the Highline

The Hudson River

Two Autistics Spoke. How Many Listened?

Yesterday C-Span covered “Lawmakers Look into Federal Response to Rising Rates of Autism.” For those of you interested in seeing all 3 hours and 48 minutes of it click ‘here‘. You can also read all eight transcripts of testimony by clicking on each link ‘here‘.

There were two Autistic people of the eight who spoke.  This, in and of itself was significant.  The last two speakers were Michael John Carley, executive dircetor of Global & Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership (GRASP) and Ari Ne’eman, President of Autistic Self Advocacy Network.

Michael, at one point said, “…research is geared towards the future, and not where the greatest need lies, which is in the present. Today, the amount of services we collectively provide is like one page out of War and Peace when compared with what’s needed.”

He went on to talk about language, “Tone, and language may seem like pc-nonsense semantics to many, but not to someone on the spectrum who grows up having to hear words like “cure,” “disease,” “defeat,” and “combat” …

Such negative self-imagery makes self-esteem so much harder to achieve for an individual who is at a psychological disadvantage enough as it is. We have to remember that the vast majority of this population can read what is being written about them, and hear what is being said about them.

Ari Ne’eman spoke last.  His was a riveting and powerful speech in which he spoke to the “epidemic” of Autism, “If we want to put the idea of an “epidemic” to the test, one of the most compelling lines of research we could pursue is an epidemiological study of the rate of autism among the adult population. A recent study of this nature conducted by the United Kingdom’s National Health Service found a comparable rate of autism in adults as in children in England.” 

Ari spoke of those who are non-speaking Autistics,  “If we invested a mere one-tenth of the amount of money that we currently pour into causation into empowering Autistic people to communicate, that young man and hundreds of thousands more like him would be able to communicate their needs to us today.” 

He went on to point out, “Autism Speaks and the Simons Foundation – devote even less to these areas, with Autism Speaks investing approximately 1% of its research budget to studies on the quality of services to Autistic people (and less than one quarter of a percent to Autistic adults) and the Simons Foundation making no investments in either area. It cannot be doubted that when it comes to the needs of Autistic people today both the public and private research agendas are quite simply not responsive to the priorities of the Autistic community, itself. 

And he talked about the importance of Medicaid, the importance of providing assistance to those just entering the work force and those who would like to, but do not have the supports in place to do so.

Ari ended with – “I want to thank the Committee members for allowing my community – the Autistic community – the opportunity to have a voice in these discussions. The challenges society currently faces in integrating and supporting Autistic people and our families are not new. We have faced these challenges and made tremendous progress with other disability groups in the past. I believe that at the end the day this is a civil rights issue. I believe in the ability of the United States of America to guarantee the civil rights of all of its citizens. Autistic people want and deserve the same things that anyone else wants – inclusion in our communities, the opportunity to go to school and get a good job, the chance to make our voices heard about the things that matter to us. With your help, we can make that a reality.”

His final words were, “I look forward to hearing your questions.”

I was eager to hear the questions that would undoubtedly be asked of both him and Michael after such terrific speeches, particularly as they are both Autistic, the very people this entire hearing were meant to care about and want to help.   So I waited.  And then I waited some more.

Finally there were a few, but the majority of people who spoke continued to repeat those words that Ari and Michael had cited, as though they’d never been said.  It seems we care about Autism and our Autistic children specifically, but when it comes to “Autistic people” in general, we don’t care so much.

And so I’d like to know, Why is that?

How is it that we can say we “care” about Autism and those who are Autistic yet not fund programs that will make their lives better?  How is it we can use words usually reserved for war and ignore that these words make those who are on the spectrum feel badly about their very existence?  Is this how we want our children to feel?  Do we really want our own children to feel their existence is called into question?  Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that our Autistic children, whether they speak or not, whether they are in a special education classroom or are mainstreamed, let’s just say, ALL of them can and do understand what is being said about them, but they cannot tell us or do not have the ability to communicate how that feels.   Can we at least imagine what that would be like if this were done to us?  Can we try, just for a moment to have the “empathy” needed to imagine?   Are we compassionate enough to pause, even if for a moment and consider the implications of what we are saying and doing?  Even if we cannot or do not want to think about all the Autistic adults whom we do not know, can we just think about our own child?  Our children will be adults one day, do we really want them to feel as so many Autistic adults do?  Our children have feelings.

Ari is Autistic.

Michael is Autistic.

Both spoke.

How many listened?

My Autistic daughter, Emma – 2002

Emma - 2002

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