*This is a parody
The following “red flags” may indicate your child is in danger of having Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder (NSD). If your child displays any of the following, take them immediately to an allistic or non- neurotypical pediatrician or family doctor for evaluation. Caught early enough many children have shown dramatic improvement. Studies show that intensive early behavioral interventions can and do help these children flourish giving them the opportunity to become honest, creative, non compliant thinkers who will not be overly concerned with amassing wealth by any means necessary or driven by self-serving desires and wants.
- Emoting and peculiar noises when confronted with adults who make ridiculous faces and sounds at them by six months
- Excessive self involvement by nine months
- Excessive “babbling” seemingly to gain attention by 12 months
- Pronounced back and forth gestures such as pointing at random objects, reaching, and waving at anyone who smiles by 12 months
- Difficulty occupying themselves, requires others to “entertain” them almost constantly
- Tremendous number of words, particularly farm animals, the noises those animals make, peculiar songs about spiders crawling up drain pipes, and the various ways in which a bus and it’s parts work by 18 months
- An abundance of ego based two-word phrases such as “I want”, “I need”, “I go” or phrases using “me” by 24 months
- Peculiar and inappropriate play with representational objects, such as pretending to feed a plastic doll air, or make the doll “drink” from miniature tea cups by 36 month
- Fascination with fairy tales about people falling into endless stupor, only to be woken by a complete stranger’s kiss or meeting someone on a horse and riding off with them, without getting to know them first
- Overly concerned with what others think otherwise known as having a “herd mentality”
- Overly compliant and especially eager to please any adult, even if the adult is a complete stranger
- Rote and often dishonest answers to questions such as “how are you?”
- Generalized dishonesty often used to get one’s way by 36 months
- Inability to remove emotion from disagreements
- Uses language to deceive by 50 months
- Mob mentality – tendency to become influenced by those they believe to be in power by 50 months
- “Group think” does not question, but follows what is considered to be the majority thinking
- Making fun of, laughing at or showing fear toward any who appear different than themselves (this can include those with a different neurology, skin color or even nationality
- Difficultly staying present. Constantly thinking about the future or past.
- Easily “bored”
It is imperative that you seek help for your child if you suspect they are at risk. Though Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder can be mildly to severely disabling, NT Speaks has numerous resources for families whose children may be suffering and afflicted. You will be relieved to know NT Speaks employs not a single neurotypical and no Neurotypicals are on their advisory boards. In fact we do not consult, listen to, or speak with any who are on the neurotypical spectrum as we have learned they have a tendency to be dishonest, will do anything to be “liked” and are almost always self-serving. We are a non-profit whose goal is to cure neurotypicals. All our research dollars go toward funding pre-natal testing and cures for this terrible crisis our world is currently facing. Do not let your child become a burden on an already beleaguered society. Let us help you. Call us at 999-9999-9999 (en Espanol 999-9999-9990) or email email@example.com
*This post is a parody. However the wording is almost identical to the wording used by many organizations that claim to want to “help” those who are Autistic.