It’s always interesting to get attacked by someone you’ve never met. All the more so when they write about how “narcissistic” I am, while talking about themselves and bolstering themselves up in comparison. They use this blog, link to it, as a spring-board to talk about themselves. They talk about how they are such a “bad autism mom” because they do not do whatever it is they perceive me to be doing, while at the same time congratulating themselves. All of this they say with a liberal dose of sarcasm and “eye rolling”. How easy it is to criticize everyone else. How easy it is to sit on one’s little self-made throne of superiority, picking apart other people’s lives, while avoiding looking at one’s own. It’s so much more fun to sit in judgment of everyone else.
There are so many blogs out there, written by all kinds of people about all kinds of things. Why choose to talk about the blogs you don’t like? Why not talk about the ones you do. This blog isn’t for everyone. If you don’t like what I write about, you don’t like what I say, you don’t agree, then comment, start a conversation, have the guts to say something here, directly to me, or don’t, and go find another of the tens of thousands of blogs out there. But devote an entire post to all that I’ve written that pisses you off while calling me names, meanwhile using the cloak of anonymity? Seriously? Why do that?
I always find it interesting that the meanest comments (and by “mean” I do not mean those who disagree, I mean, nasty, sarcastic and those who resort to name calling) almost always come from people who do not use their real names. I understand many people choose to use other names to protect themselves and those they write about, I understand that many do so for good and well thought out reasons, but there are others who do so because they say awful things about other people, things they would not have the courage to say to the person’s face while hiding behind their safety net of anonymity.
I have a lot of ambivalence about this blog. I always have. I love that my daughter says she’d like to write things to post on here. I look forward to the day when this blog becomes hers, or we decide to shut it down and she begins her own, if that’s what she would prefer. I do not post photos of her without her permission. I do not quote her without her permission. I try to write honestly. I write about what I know. I write about what I think about. I write about the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make. I try to write with a certain degree of self-reflection. I write about what I’m learning. I’ve written about my past, my childhood, addiction, career, passions. I try to keep the focus on “my side of the street.” Often that’s not easy. It would be far easier to write about everyone else, a running critique of everyone else’s poor behavior, but doing that is not the person I want to be. I have worked hard these last two decades of my life to be and behave differently. My default mode of being in this world does not serve me or others. Being self-involved, a victim, blaming my bad behavior on others, doesn’t help me. What do I learn from that? How is any of that going to improve anything? I can’t control other people. The only thing I have any control over is my response and my actions. I try hard to not get into judging and condemning others. I try. I’m not perfect.
I do what I can to live a life with purpose. Some people are going to disagree, some people won’t like the way I write. Some people will decide they “know” me and don’t like what they think they know. They will find fault. That’s okay. But don’t come here and use this blog as a spring-board to talk about how superior you are because you “don’t do” what I am doing. Don’t twist my words around, take them out of context to bolster yourself up. Go get some help. There are lots of people who specialize in helping people with issues of self-esteem. You want to have more self-confidence? You want to deal with your insecurities? Trust me bashing, judging, criticizing others isn’t going to give you what you’re looking for. You want to complain about me and what I seem to represent to you, go for it. But have the guts to do it to my face or at least do it here, while using your real name. Don’t link to this blog from yours. I don’t need nor do I want the traffic that is generated from your words.