Life and Expectations

Wading into the world takes achingly long when comparing the expectation with the reality.  Vibrant expectations swirl and dance a tempting flurry of ease and take no time to build the skills needed in real life.  Disappointment embraces ecstatic expectation when stories walk along a more difficult path.  Finding the wonder and natural tempo in working to achieve shimmers and eventually outlasts fleeting expectation.

expectations

Poetry is Ballet in Words

Poetry is ballet in words.

Graceful, agile words, yawning and leaping while whispering and shouting all at once.

The ending is the beginning

like water colors

I had no access to any of it

no way to share the beauty

alone

the dance

with no one to answer or interact

I was alone in the intense happiness

but now

I can choose to dance with others

when I want.

Poetry is Ballet in Words

The Fan Stays Off

Seeds there

Virulent shoots hamper process

ingrates they throw everything into chaos,

disruptive and noisy I shout the same thought

weeding out the bad from the stillness.

Whispering calm directives – keep it cool, Emma –

but the thrashing divas hold the spotlight and won’t exit without a fight.

 

Timing is crucial.

Nobody can help bring order to the bothersome braying

that brutish tyrant who won’t allow others the time or space.

Patience is needed.

I am here

sometimes insistently so

but there is so much more to discover.

Loud-noise

When Awareness Harms

Let’s talk about needing green minds, eager thinking, waiting for butter to spread onto toast.  Let’s talk about excitable pink ideas, ah-ha moments of lovely surprise filling the cavernous space of other understanding.  Now we can behave differently.

None of wisdom’s stars ached for commonly held beliefs without questioning them all.

Have you asked yourself whether the awareness campaigns are helping?

What exactly have they made you aware of?

Does your newly found awareness help you understand an Autistic person?

How so?

What about Autistic neurology?

Do you believe you understand what the brightest minds in the world admit they are baffled by?

How about treating Autistic people the way you would hope to be treated?

I vote for love and laughter.

Laughing in Red

Laughing in Red

Don’t Be Blue

Mom prepares me,

but nothing can inoculate fear colored blue

masked in lights, shining brightly.

The terror seeps through.

Awareness disguised as tolerance is not the same as love.

An uneasy embrace may appear affectionate,

but can feel worse than a slap.

Words said with anger are not kind,

no matter what each word means by itself.

Look kindly

choose many feelings,

but please do not choose blue.

#WalkinRed2015

#WalkinRed2015

Food: Friend or Foe?

Food understands emotions in ways no words can, but sometimes the body disagrees and chaos ensues.  Mind begins to roar and everyone feels misunderstood.  Trying to appease all parties is impossible.

Have you ever felt full, but ignored the body’s message and eaten more or eaten foods your body is not friends with?  Do certain feelings prefer certain types of food?

Understanding that some foods emotions are in love with are enemies to the body is a devastating realization.  Being kind to all involved is challenging and maybe only a few people have truly accomplished this.

Pancakes!

Pancakes!

Time To Dance

Hearing music alleviates anxiety and welcomes dappled drops clasping gleeful feelings, radiating inward and outward simultaneously.  Like bursts of intense flavor, music explodes in the body.  Only a few stoic souls can ignore its command to move.  Dancing is the healthy choice.  Turn on your favorite music and give yourself permission to become a part of those notes.

Beep. Leave a Message

Beep.

Waiting for a message that cannot find its way

from brain to muscles

that connect to sounds we know to be

recognizable words with understood context.

They elude, slipping and sliding

they have no legs

slithering in the muck of misunderstanding

those words that manage to escape from my mouth are heard,

but baffle.

 

Battling it out for recognition are the silent thoughts that are not

“you need to take a turn to share

“you have to wait our turn

“you want to go fast?

“you have to share”

Words, words and more words.

She has language they say, but the language she shouts is not a language at all

buffering frustration, relieving anxiety, clouding meaning

I’d whisper if I could

but I can’t.

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Hindering Progress

Digging through ghostly shards

pummeling the words that shout from within

understanding too much,

the vice grip of constant anxiety

offers the spoken words access that no one can fully know.

 

I fight to voice what I mean,

but “Mindy” and “Rebecca” crash through

and grab the microphone from my hand

that finds tenuous comfort in the string

I wrap around and around like a carousel.

August, 2014

August, 2014

Learning to Believe

Needing time to learn, understanding concepts and refining techniques are all done on separate timelines.  Best to approach each with curiosity and patience, with a large dose of belief in the other person.

Ticking clocks of expectation become toxic.  Learning to believe is the homework for all educators.  Belief in another’s humanity, respecting different learning styles and compassion for all makes a great teacher and student.

Having a wonderful teacher is life changing.

chalkboard-copy

I am More Than My Body

Wavering, derelict shouts hold different ideas about want.

Careening words push and shove their way out of my mouth,

the chatter cannot be reined in no matter how hard I try.

My mind is a starving questioner

with a body that pushes mute buttons in people’s minds.

Moments looking for connections to the two separate entities

knowing the possibilities are within reach,

if only I could beat those troublesome, noisy words back

to give the more contemplative thoughts equal opportunity.

Contemplative

Becoming Change

Change is upon us.

Look around.  What do you see?  Do you see changes in your life?

Backwards movement can be labeled bad, but sometimes it is not.  Maybe like human evolution, lasting change must be slow.

Meandering along with inevitable change benefits some, whose go-with-the-flow attitude is like starlings flying in formation, but if only a few break away, everything changes.

Have you ever watched starlings?

Here.

Aren’t they beautiful?

Oh, how I should like to be one of the starlings to lead a new way.

Starlings

Starlings

Story About A Teen Girl

This is a story about a teen girl chasing a dream to be a singer, despite being unable to talk…

The first time she heard a voice being used as an instrument, was the day she would mark as euphoric.  How hard able bodied people have to work to make their visions come to life, caused her to doubt whether she could dare to desire such a career for herself.  Speaking was almost impossible though she was given the tools to sing words by hitting letters on a keyboard.  She knew with determination, practice and patience she could, at least, try.  A challenge she embraced and will tackle greedily.

Easy and challenge are not friends, but joy and challenge can be.

Find joy in challenges and life changes.

Emma Singing

Emma Singing

Mirror, Mirror, What do you See?

I have a piece of writing to share.

When your eyes are drawn to a mirror, what do you see?

Is it familiar or unfamiliar?

Do you like what you see?

There may be a struggle with recognition.  Stay with it.

Imagine something beautiful.

Make yourself smile and hold it.

Recite a favorite story or joke.  This can be done in silence or in speaking.

Repeat your name however you would like to.

Do you like what you see?

The End ~ By Emma Zurcher-Long

Mirror, Mirror, What do you See?

Mirror, Mirror, What do you See?

“Let’s Pretend You Are the Autistic One”

(A note on Emma’s post.  Because this is a fictitious dialogue that Emma wrote, for clarity’s sake, I asked her if it was okay to put the Autistic person’s words and thoughts in italics and the non autistic’s words in quotation marks.  She agreed.  My part of the conversation is in parentheses.)

For today’s blog post, let’s pretend you are the Autistic one and I should be the non autistic.

“Oh dear!  Why are you hurting yourself?”

(I asked Emma whether the Autistic person could use spoken language to speak.)

You can’t speak and I will talk for both of us, it will be more authentic that way.  Maybe you talk, but not with the words that best describe what’s in your mind.

“I don’t understand, do you want to go outside?  Why are you biting yourself?  Does that mean you do?”

You are thinking about expectations and how hitting yourself takes away the pain of not being understood and unable to say the words that will help.

“Here!  We will go outside.  It’s a beautiful day.”

I don’t want to go outside.  I want to read a story.

Pointless bottling emotions of endless frustration cause words to wither in the recesses of the mind.  Biting becomes the only way to stay rooted, but causes everyone watching to respond in loud voices of angry fear.  Until there is understanding, you are alone in the terrible confusion of other people’s voices that are louder than yours.

Caution is needed whenever we decide we know what is in the mind of another human being.

Emma's Ceramic Dish of Hope

Ceramic Dish of Hope ~ Made by Emma